In my last post I reported my seizure from November and here in February I report again. For the first time since then I am noticing days without any stomach muscles screaming and I am starting to manage some household chores without subsequent regrets. I've put the washing in the machine; I've thrown food into pots and watched it cook while stirring; I'm sitting at a table typing!!!
What this experience has brought out of me is a realisation that I now have a great habit of acceptance. This has taken a couple of years to build up, with help from various yoga teachers and patience from my husband too! I always thought I accepted my ME and Epilepsy, I got on with life. But I was always thinking, "when this happens in my life and when this happens in my life, I will be truly happy". Yoga has taught me to come back to the present moment, to notice any misdemeanours in my character, with a desire to change them, but with non-judgement. For two years I have been saying to friends who ask how I am, "I am happy". That came from seeing the wonderful things in my life that I wouldn't change for the world. I have a caring, loving husband; friends who are there to help me when I call; family at the end of a telephone line; a garden to sit in; food in the cupboard; clothes on my back...the list could go on and on. I know a lot of people have gratitude diaries which encourage them to write down five things everyday for which they are grateful. As simple as seeing a snowdrop, or walking in the rain; love walking in the rain and crave it whenever there is a rain shower/storm/downpour (which has been quite frequent recently in the UK!) I don't write my gratefuls down but have got into the habit of noticing them as the day goes by and if I'm unhappy then I make myself sit and claw my way through the negativity in my brain to find a few things from the last few hours.
I have noticed that when I am grumpy and unhappy it is usually because I am tired, so laugh at my grumpiness as soon as I notice it (or ten minutes afterwards- I'm not that much of a saint yet!), try to reconcile myself to the situation and realise that because I'm tired I've made a negative statement in my head about everything that has happened in the last thirty minutes (or whole day!) and I am just making everything worse.
The one other big thing is that yoga has taught me to realise my happiness doesn't have to be connected to the mind or action, I can be happy within before I take action and before I think through my situation. I can lie on my bed and recognise, without words, the true essence of my being, which is always there no matter how much pain or difficulty my life encounters. I find my attention moving away from my head and dissolving into my heart space, indescribable really as it is a feeling of comfort and existence.
So to conclude, my acceptance of the seizure I had last year created a learning curve which found me in a place truly accepting my situation, finding an action which I could take, which could only be rest and NOT over-doing it and finding the happiness in everyday life. So I'm happy!