Unreal

I heard someone say this word the other day. Some of you will know exactly where I am coming from when I say I have so much familiarity with 'unrealness'
For years I had bouts of being unreal. It might last for hours, days at a time. Sometimes weeks of unrealness would encompass my whole being.
The lightheadedness, dizzy spells, lack of focus in the eyes and weird feelings in my mouth. Like the saliva had taken on a new form of being; disappeared and comeback from an alien's mouth. The unreal feeling is something that a lot of ME patients will connect with. It is a state of not knowing where to turn, who to ask questions of or whether or not, if the mouth is opened, the words will actually move through the nervous system from the head to the mouth. For me, when it went this far I was in a scary place.
I did too much last week. talking to too many people, or attempting too many exciting things in my life, too much of things one after the other. Twice I sat in bed with the TV on and DVD player ready to play a familiar film- Sleepless In Seattle- to give me a focus, a centre, a place of comfort. I know the words off by heart. I can find an easy road back to speaking and understanding language and laughter just by hearing the same words whenever I am in this state. Unreal-ness has come to me over the years and I have used different films to find the focus- When Harry Met Sally was one of the first, also Steel Magnolias, Pride and Prejudice with Jennifer Ehle. I even used to watch the snooker and cricket for hours at a time. Really starting to understand the game more than ever, to find a focus and a way back to cognitive awareness.
So I need to continue at my pace, realise how much little things can influence my day to day existence. It isn't just a case of 'over-doing it' it is realising how many little things too close together can make such a big difference. Every little thing has different consequences- I can do daily beginner yoga classes in my living room, alone, quiet; but I can not do large amounts of socialising, visual stimulation, noise and emotion. As ever it is not pushing too far, too fast. Having patience and taking one step, or even half a step, at a time. Assessing each day as it comes and not being afraid to say "no".