Seeing The Lights

So we have been away. In a familiar place, but a different view from the kitchen window and even more crazy on-street parking. (but that is another tale!)
Lights have come into my line of sight for the last 20-odd years. My Dad always had migraines in the Spring, when he would drive to work with the rising sun facing him, the low blinding light would bring on headaches which would force a shortened day at work and an afternoon and evening in bed. My sister and I both took on this trait, my sister with regular migraines which last for days and myself with seizures and headaches. The medication I take for the epilepsy has helped a great deal but when I find a dark space with fluorescent tubes, low ceilings, "green" natural-light light bulbs or just far too many spotlights in a space with no natural light I can have a reaction pretty quickly. Yesterday I went into a Waterstones book shop. Pretty from the outside, and perfect for wanting to shelter from the rain. It was dark, low shop, in an old building which went a long way back and had a lot of ceiling lights. Most of the front window was taken up with displays and stickers so basically no natural light was getting in. I saw a few children's books and started to flick (through the books, not my hair!). I noticed the books, not the lights at first- I can't start being paranoid about every shop, judging whether I should or shouldn't go in, I would never go anywhere- never leave the house as the sun can give me migraines!
I only realised something was wrong when I felt a choking sensation. My stomach was retching, My head was beginning to spin.
'Now what?' I thought, 'was it the Qi energy massage I had in the morning' surely that was supposed to have the opposite effect!
'Am I too tired, have I over-done it again!'
'LIGHTS'
Get out, find some natural light.
I couldn't see OH, neither could I see anyone who might be able to help.
I moved towards the door and did some heavy breathing. You might be thinking, this can't be an epileptic, if it was, she would have gone down by now and would be convulsing on the floor. All this happened within about 5 seconds and I have the experience now (yucky though that experience has been) to treat the onset of gradual onset seizures differently. With the lights, it takes a while to hit me where it hurts and therefore I have a chance to stop it in it's tracks. My medication also has enough control to serve me well in times like these. After the Qi treatment I found a new inspiration- I had to rid my body of all the negative energy that had built up the the last few minutes. Standing by the door and facing the natural light, I started breathing in through my nose, and taking a long, slow, breath out of my mouth- this wasn't just a long, slow, breath, this was a long, slow, hurricane. I had also learned another Yoga breath the previous evening, which uses only the stomach muscles to control the breath and prevents hyperventilation. It was working. Within about two minutes I was able to speak again and told an assistant that I had epilepsy and needed my husband as I didn't feel well. He was with me in a couple of minutes. I was able to leave the shop, and connect with him by holding his hand, continue the breathing and walking (yes, walking!!!) back to the car.
Looking back, just ten minutes afterwards, I knew I could have collapsed on the floor and just let it happen, but it is the combination of everything I am doing that has helped me deal with this differently. No one was there to panic around me, to say "lie down, let me help you! OMG, what are you doing! I'll call an ambulance!" I had to deal with this myself. And it was the meditation, the yoga, the understanding of how the energy systems work in the body that pulled me through. I used to go into victim mode as I hadn't been given another option. And quite right too. My goodness it was scary and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It has taken me over 20 years to deal with a seizure like this and from the reaction I was having, if I had decided to let it happen and just fallen on the floor, I could have ended up in a hospital as the seizures would have kept on coming, those lights are invasive and give anyone headaches. I'm just pleased I have found a new confidence from this experience, I'm sure there may well be another full seizure in my life, but I have learned enough now to make them as few and far between as possible!