It has been a strange week. Good week. Feeling like walking on egg shells constantly. Every day has brought something new, I have been tentative and brave accordingly. A new rule with my husband is that he will never ask me if I want the wheelchair he will always presume that I do; I can make the decision without any pressure. I did a bit of walking last weekend, again no traffic and very few people so I did quite well and judged it well with rests.
I was still feeling, last weekend, the impact from the previous week's hot weather and took a lot of rest time to manage that. My nights were pretty bad, with vivid, running from a tiger, dreams. So waking up for most of the last week has been a relief, but not really akin to a good start to the day. In that respect I have struggled with routines too; barely in the mood to drag myself out of bed, let alone think about following any kind of plan for the day. The Bank Holidays (and whenever OH is at home on a week day) seemed to totally mess me up. It was a struggle everyday, but I managed to convince myself to just float along, enjoying my extra support over that longer weekend and then a chance to have my own space Wednesday and Thursday.
I achieved that 10 minutes in the garden on Wednesday, then made myself a sugar-free cake with carob chips. On Thursday I made biscuits for my husband to take to work, really sugary so will avoid them myself. Both days I slept in the afternoon and managed a short yoga routine and meditations.
On a weekly basis I have been attending live 'webinars' with the founder of the recovery programme I have been using. This week's was about meditation and it really encouraged what I had been finding in the previous days. When I had woken with so little focus and motivation all I could find in meditation was a crazy thought-filled head, going nowhere fast. All I had to do was lie on and let it be busy, prove to the head that the body wasn't going to get involved. We also touched on yoga as an exercise as well as a meditation option. I was very much encouraged to investigate this even more and did a bit of searching for some more DVDs or websites to help me. Finding and getting to a quiet, gentle, beginners class with laying down encouraged is not something I desperately want to attempt. I want something aimed at the fatigued, those in recuperation, who don't do much standing or walking and creak when lifting a tray of biscuits from the oven!
So I found something. A great company in Canada, which has sponsorship and takes donations to put free classes online. They are on iTunes and YouTube, under the umbrella of Namaste Yoga and Dr Melissa West. Three new videos have come out in the last week aimed at absolute beginners and in the back catalogue I have found various breathing and meditation based lessons too. Each session is about an hour, so having done lessons with a teacher and practised a lot more by myself, I was sure they would suit me and I could cope without a personal instructor. Realising how difficult I had found it on previous mornings, I set myself a challenge on Thursday evening; to wake up Friday morning and have a smoothie for breakfast, followed by a morning mini yoga retreat in my living room. I did it. With lying, breathing exercises, meditations and about two half-hours of gentle poses, I did almost three hours with the help of two of these new videos and felt much better as a result.
So each day is a challenge, I just have to keep finding new ways of creatively dealing with them as they try to bite me right back!
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