Monday 18 June 2012

Call It What You Will...

I am hibernating again. Probably due to last week's Now What? crisis.
Waking up is the most difficult thing. As my eyelids start to fight, (I know it's time to wake up, I'm feeling hungry- they may not quite agree!) my mind realises what is going on. "Oh crikey, one of Those days again. Be positive, stay optimistic, you'll get through, you have before. Why should the rest of the day feel the same as it does now" The problem is that the evidence is there. My limbs are limp. They don't want to move. Getting out of bed is usually an effort, but today is even more so. Without wanting to predict the future and be totally pessimistic a day started like this is unlikely to continue much better. I know if I don't get some kind of routine in before breakfast my day will feel even worse. Usually I have bathroom, dressed, yoga, meditation, breakfast.
This morning to help me out of bed and from the advice of my yoga teacher, I did yoga in bed first. Staying lying down to start with; watching my breathing; then just moving my legs a bit with my breath; sitting up and bending over so my head was lower than my heart and finally stretching out my arms and neck. All with the flow of my breath, so I felt more able to actually remove myself from the bed and get started.
My next thought was to eat breakfast and make it as painless as possible. Muffin, yoghurt and organic decaf coffee (it may not have the kick, but psychologically it tastes the same, so must have the same effect!).
Sitting here at the kitchen table with the iPad and keyboard I am now still feeling limp. My shoulders are slouching, although thanks to all that yoga practice, they are slouching backwards rather than forwards! My neck is having issues with keeping my head upright and my eyelids are still fighting! I have my legs up on another chair, I'm wearing thick socks, other than wearing them and a cardigan I haven't changed out of my pyjamas and have a cushion supporting my lower back. I'm feeling very sorry for myself.
Why am I sitting here rather than in bed? I realise that I must at least prove to myself that I am better than I was 6 months ago. I am typing, that is a big thing. I am sitting in a chair. I am enjoying the view from the kitchen window.
One day this week I will wake up and feel lighter, removing myself from the bed will not be such a hard task and my morning routine will get closer to my ideal. So I need to be kind to myself today, maybe tomorrow, maybe for the rest of the week. Thinking about how long it might last does not help, I have to stay in the moment and fill my time, as much as I can, with comfort- audio books, Pride and Prejudice, Sleepless In Seattle, also knitting and playing patience, if I can. I also intend to ring a couple of friends to fill the time and to hear another voice.- I'm welling up already!

1 comment:

  1. You had a really disrupted week last week- please don't be hard on yourself- you are doing so well (hugs0. Take the time your body needs to rest and think of all the positive you have achieved over the last couple of months. Catch up again soon.

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